How to be a good Father to your Son

Being the perfect example, especially for children, is no easy task and for fathers, it may be just as hard. Children tend to look up to parents and it behoves on fathers to set wonderful images for their sons. As Frank Herbert puts it, “what is the son but an extension of the father.”

According to popular writer, Ross Bonander, “Kids don’t miss a thing. As a consequence, a father is like a walking “how-to article” written for his children to follow (this is especially true if he has a son or sons). They watch you and they mimic your behaviour, so being a father who sets a good example may, depending on the many habits you’ve developed over the years, require you to change the manner in which you do and say many things.”


Bonander shares a few tips that fathers can learn from on being role models for their sons:

Measure your words
Depending on upbringing and personal interests, a man may have a certain way he speaks with his wife, but watch that you’re doing it right because the son is bound to copy that, even if he understands it or not. As Bonander puts it, “You and your spouse have a rapport and share a language your child may not understand, but this won’t prevent him from copying it. Maybe you’re extremely sarcastic with one another – and that’s fine, but it might not be if your child develops that tone as well, since it could be disrespectful.”

Watch your actions
Going by the popular saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” may fly for preachers but usually not where children are involved. “It will be very difficult to convince your child to get annual physicals, eat well, exercise, and listen to and respect his mother and other adults when these are things you openly do not do yourself.

“To get an idea of what kind of an example you’re setting, examine specific aspects of your own lifestyle and behaviour. Your child is always watching you and is bound to mimic you in ways you could never imagine. This doesn’t mean that sleeping late on a Saturday to work off a hangover, will spur those precise responses, but they may encourage overindulgence and impulsive behaviour.”

Check your friends
Friends play an important role in a person’s life, and for fathers, it is no different. The friends a man keeps, “offer your child other examples, and as the father, it is your job to see that your friends reinforce the example you’re trying to set, and not diminish it with crude language or inappropriate remarks.”

Don’t feel like a hypocrite
“Being a father is not about atoning for all the things you’ve done wrong, it is about teaching your child the difference between right and wrong — a difference that, by way of experience, you understand and are qualified to impart to your child. Your past doesn’t restrict you as a father, it informs you.

“If you partied a bit back in the day, but never had any bad experiences with alcohol or marijuana, this certainly doesn’t mean you can’t, in good conscience, advise your child against drug use and dole out the discipline accordingly. There is nothing hypocritical about it; you are guiding your child through these formative years so that they will develop into happy, well-adjusted adults. In the effort to set a good example for your child you may find yourself doing or saying things you would not normally do or say, but this is OK. After all, your child’s future is at stake.”

Focus less on your mistakes
No human is infallible, and as a father, there will be mistakes. The important thing is not to dwell so much on it. “There will be far too many occasions when your child is witness to you setting a bad example. Maybe, after a long day, you lost your temper and began shouting obscenities and acting unreasonable, and maybe (at the extreme end) you even exchanged a few punches with somebody.

“Should you admit to your child that you set a bad example and that your behaviour was wrong and should not be encouraged? We don’t think so. Rather, if your child brings it up, yes, you should definitely address it. If your child does not bring it up, however, it might be best if you said nothing and used the experience as an opportunity to reflect on yourself, and on what steps you’re going to take to see that it does not happen again. And something like it will probably happen again. No father is perfect, but he should strive to be as perfect a role model as he can be for his child.”