Good Friendships Never Die, or Do They?

When you look at the definition of the word 'friend', two specific words jump out: reliability and trustworthiness. Sadly in life, these qualities in a friendship are rare. The length of a friendship is seldom everlasting. Even close friendships go through difficult times, and sometimes rifts occur and new friends are found.

The purpose of friendship is to provide emotional support. This is easy when there's mutual interest. Feelings like care, trust and respect develop over a period of time. When there's no emotional support any more, it puts a strain on the relationship. Negative emotions and behaviour develop like jealousy and betrayal, and this negativity can ruin the friendship.


 In life, relationships are complicated. There is no relationship on earth that doesn't suffer any difficulties. Why? The answer is simple: people are imperfect; they make mistakes. Being imperfect, people tend to judge one another and rely too much on personal expectations. When they judge, they form an opinion; they rely on expectations, which usually leads to disappointment.

In any relationship, time does not stand still. People grow and mature. They change. Their interests also change. Many friends grow apart over time because they don't agree on anything anymore. If you want to make a friendship last, you may need to consider the following:

• Accept yourself! Don't be someone you're not. The truth always reveals itself. There's nothing as ugly as hypocrisy in a relationship. If you are true to yourself, you will attract friends that suit your personality. Being self-satisfied leads to great happiness.
• You and your friends are different. You will often differ in your opinions and interests. You need to respect each other so that you don't try too hard to make them like you. Variety is the spice of life. If we were all alike and had no diversity, we'd be bored with life.
• You are imperfect and there's nothing you can do about it. Instead of waning away because of all your weaknesses, focus your attention on your strengths. Strengthen your stronger points and correct your weaknesses.
• Your friends are also imperfect. Focus on their strengths. Try to strengthen their stronger points and never correct their weaknesses. Learn to accommodate and tolerate them.
• Don't judge. Imperfect people who judge imperfect people tend to focus on the negative. And negativity breaks down.
• Don't have any expectations. Without expectations, you will not experience disappointment. Example: If you want your friend to go shopping with you, allow them to consider it. Don't expect 'yes' or 'no' answers. Then, go shopping. Don't expect them to go. If they go with you, good. If they don't, enjoy the time on your own with the knowledge that you can always share the experience with them later.
• When things go wrong and hurtful words are said, step back. Be patient with your own feelings (anger, disappointment, etc.) When you have calmed down, think about your friend, the situation, the circumstances. Go and talk to your friend. Be peaceable. Communicate your feelings. Problems can always be resolved when you put some effort into your relationship.
• Never gossip about your friends to gain approval by others. It's a sign of weakness and low self-esteem. Show respect for them and keep their secrets.
• Don't look at your friendship as a long-term commitment. Accept the fact that somewhere in the future you may grow apart. This will help you to appreciate what you have and also prepare you for change.

We are all born with a unique genetic blueprint, which lays out the basic characteristics of our personality as well as our physical health and appearance... And yet, we all know that life experiences do change us (Joan D. Vinge).

This can be applied to friendship. As a unique individual, you have an incredible effect on the people who come into your life. In turn, they have an incredible effect on you. The experience of being together changes you. While there may be times when you play a more significant role in your friend's life, there will be times a friend plays a more significant role in your life.

Continue to be flexible. Continue to be open to learning. Grow in your relationships. Life changes too quickly and it's over too soon for you to dwell on being alone. Cherish every person you know and be good to them while you are able to do so!